A Harsh Reality

While scrolling through Facebook, again, for the millionth time thinking that something may be different, I came across a new Cracked article. The 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person. Before even clicking on the article, I thought, I really hope one is that life sucks sometimes. It's not rainbows and unicorns, sometimes, its nasty gutters or rain-soaked shoes. I perused the article, I honestly should be working on some more homework, but the article hit one something that's been a struggle for me after finishing college: sometimes the world just effin sucks.

There are days that no matter what I do, it's not going to turn out the right way. There are situations where I need to realize that I can't fix everything. I've been talking a lot about nonnegotiables in my ethics class; the list of things that no matter what, one won't compromise on. But I don't know what mine are. I have some professionally that I know what I want, but personally, no clue. I literally have no clue. At all.

That was a harsh reality check. I don't think it's because I haven't set out to bend over backwards and give into everyone, but my life is in transition and I'm just trying to hang on. I'm finally taking a well deserved trip out of the deep south where I can spend time with friends and family, and my goal is to do a lot of self-reflection. I'm at that age, where I should have things I won't settle for, after all Sugarland says it best "I ain't settlin for anything less than everything."

Reflection on Theory

Over the past four months, I have been making my way through a theory class. For me, this is probably going to be one of the most challenging things I do in my program here at VSU. It isn't that the material is too challenging, it's that I can't see the application first hand. I don't interact with students on a daily basis that are grappling with issues of sexual identity or racial identity. Because of this, I find the material confusing. I am used to putting what I learn into practice or even come up with examples of my own. I can relate some of the identity development back to my college days, but beyond that, nothing seems to fit with my experiences. It is because of this I find theory challenging.

Looking forward though, I'm excited to use what I've learned in the class. I am fortunate enough that I am able to go to different conferences with students where there are sessions on using theory in advising student organizations and working on an individual basis with students. I will continue to use what I have learned in this class, along with the lovely Evans, et. al. text with margins lined with notes and little drawings to continue to work with theory.

While theory has challenged me, It also taught me a lot about my studying habits. I used to be a person that I would be fine if I went to class, read the book and took notes. I was used to having a class structure that would benefit itself to much more outside discussion than what I found in the theory class. With this class and not having the same amount of critical discussions, I have learned that I need to be more active in my studying techniques. Simply writing and rewriting notes or reading over the text doesn't work for me like it used to. I can regurgitate Chickering's Seven Vectors or talk about the stages in Park's theory, but I don't know if I can apply it successfully, because I haven't spent as much time as necessary thinking critically about the material presented.  As I approach my second year of grad school, I'm still working to figure out what works best for me in terms of studying and learning information.

Reflections on Letting Go

I’m sitting in the back of the room watching four student leaders run a professional business meeting of 100 students from around the southeast portion of the United States. These students are the cream of the crop, they volunteered and bid for these leadership roles and have spent the last 10 months working to improve the regional and national student organization.

Then, in the back of the room, there are the advisors. Some like me are trying to get some extra work done, or spending time to catch up on the homework spring break has deprived me of. We’re here for the random Starbucks run or to go get a bottle of water and shuttle students to the hotel at the end of the night.

But then, there are a few other individuals in the room. Yes, they’re advisors, but they’re the extreme hands on advisors. They've gone through the leadership experiences, they've gone through lots of leadership experiences, and had a great time in college, and now they’re determined to recreate that experience for their students. But is that what we should be doing as student affairs professionals?

I had a great experience in college. Like really, A GREAT EXPERIENCE. I took advantage of many of the experiences in front of me and found things I was passionate about. But, I don’t want someone to have my experience. Whether for selfish reasons or because I know that there’s not a way to recreate the past, but students should be creating their own experiences.

Sitting here, in the back of a room that just twelve short months ago I was in the front of, I realize how important it is to remember that students are individuals. How important it is for us as student affairs professionals to not only push students to succeed, but how important it is to help students figure out how to be themselves. We need to push students to be passionate about something they’re interested in and spend less time promoting what were interested in or what we did as undergraduate students. 

Christmas in February

I love Christmas, probably more than anyone I know. I have boxes upon boxes of decorations, all of Manheim Steamroller's albums, and multiple copies of Holiday Inn. At home. I don't take that stuff to work. One because everything is heavy and a lot of work to take to the office for the few weeks I'm there before leaving for break, but there's another reason. Who am I to have an influence in someone else's decision making. I advise a group of students who probably spend as much time in my office that I do. I like these kiddos, but they're just that. They haven't had many of the life experiences that I have had and they come from a region that is heavily grounded in religion. They haven't gotten to the point of questioning their religion because that may not be socially acceptable. Therefore, who am I to shape their opinion. I may not be their role model, but I like to think that sometimes I have an influence in their lives, and I don't want to influence their ideals.

I spend a lot of my time talking to students. We talk about significant others, programming, school work, why the laundry machines won't work, anything really. During this time, I ask questions, so many questions, it's gotten to the point I have to stop asking my friends questions when we hang out. I believe that when students walk into my office, they shouldn't come in expecting an answer to be given to them. If a student walks into my office and sees paraphernalia promoting one religion over another, promoting drinking or drug use, or promoting other issues that arise throughout the student's development, they may take the easy way out and accepts beliefs instead of challenging their own viewpoints. I do love Christmas, but I love my students and want to see their successes over a tree and some lights for a few weeks.

Also, who says I'm right. I believe what I believe, we'll at least I think I do, I don't know. I haven't fully developed myself when it comes to religion and spirituality. Gosh, I have no idea. I have friends that go to church on Sundays and I guess I wouldn't mind going, but then when the pastor gets up to give his sermon, he wants me to give him some money. Excuse me,  there are starving children in Africa, and you want money to keep the lights on so you can pray for the children....uh, no. That's where my biggest problem with the whole organized religion comes in. I spend an hour in a building to listen to someone tell me about how I should go volunteer and be a good person. But for that hour, I'm sitting on my behind and most Linley dozing off or going through my grocery list to make sure I don't forget anything.

I remember when I was younger, I loved going to church.  I hated the part where I had to sit there for an hour. But afterwards, there were donuts and I got to see my friends and people I only saw once a week. I went to a catholic school until sixth grade. After switching to a public school, I began attending a youth group. I began going so I could see some old friends, but we had fun. To me, it seemed that we were just having fun. We did say a prayer, but we talked about middle school, high school, significant others, drinking, all of that stuff. Eventually they hanged that program and I missed it. I didn't miss it for the prayers and religious teachings, but I missed it for the fact that I had a chance to hang out with people, chat about life, play different games, and just have fun. It was the community aspect.

When I got to college, I found that community aspect outside of the church. I still go on holidays, mainly because my parents do and I know that it makes them happy for me to go, but even at these times it's about the people I see while I'm there that make that hour bearable.

In the course of the last few paragraphs I realized that I have no idea what I'm talking about and I don't have my life and religious/spiritual/faith values figured out. That's why I don't put up Christmas decorations in my office.

Rudy Reflection

One thing that I always remember in Rudy, something that doesn't necessarily pertain to the climate of the time during the movie, is that the protest where the team lays their jerseys on the coach's desk never actually happened. I understand the the affect this has in the movie; it shows a group of individuals standing up for the equality and rights of all. The fact that it never happened, but is, in my opinion, one of the strongest moments in the movie. What irritates me so much about this scene is that it idealizes moments like these. It gives the imagery that when someone stands up for another's rights, it turns into a moment with background music that fades away and everything is better. That's not real life. Standing up for someone else's rights is one of most noble things an individual can do for another, but there's not background music, life doesn't fade into credits, life goes on, and the following day, the same thing is going to have to happen. I appreciate and value when individuals stand up for others, but it isn't recognized like it is in the movies, leading to a false sense of reality. This false sense of reality will affect the good deeds that are done. If someone doesn't have that "moment" will they feel devalued, will the feel their actions didn't matter? Will they continue to stand up for themselves and others? If instead of fading to the credits and showing the solution being solved, shouldn't movies and the stories we hear emphasize the reality we face, that the good today must be repeated tomorrow. 

Three Weeks Into Student Development

Over the course of reading about some of the theories, I feel like I'm swimming in the deep end and it's not going too well. The theories all seem to run together and I feel that some of the theories are changing the terminology of other theories to make their own theory.

I enjoy learning about the theories and thinking of how they relate to the students I'm working with. When I first started typing that sentence, I was going to follow it up with "I like being able to place these students into the different stages." I realized, I don't like doing that at all, I don't like place people in boxes. It's what is going to happen, but it bugs me on some level. Stereotyping is often discussed, and always in a a negative light, but at the same time, that's what these theories are doing. We are typecasting our students we work with. I guess this doesn't have to be negative, but I feel that were almost playing into preconceived notions students have for themselves, all while telling these students they can be whoever and whatever they want to be.

I like theories, I do, but I also challenge everything I read and everything I do, especially when it comes to working with students. I need to spend more time working with the theories, because they aren't something I'm going to be clear on after reading the chapter and having a few short discussions. I'm excited for the journey I'm on thought. 

The Beginning of a New Semester

As I sit here looking over the syllabi for my classes this semester, I'm struck by one thing. Not only is there a lot more reading, there's more writing as well. Right now, I'm excited about this but in a few short weeks I know it will be something I will be dreading. In the long run I understand the benefits that accompany continuous writing, but in the short run, I want to sleep more. In one of my classes I am asked to do journaling. I will be journaling about my thoughts on theories of student development that we will be covering over the next 16or so weeks. I felt that in order to truly judge my understanding, I would get a head start, so here I am.

Here's what I know about student development theory: when new professionals bring it up in job interviews, the interviewer typically rolls their eyes. Whether this is because is only a cookie cutter answer to quote a theory provided by a textbook or because it shows a lack of originality or one of the other many possibilities I cannot say, but that's what I know about the student development theory. I remember a few different times in class last semester when one of the second years would bring up a theory and say "blah blah blah theory blah." Most of the class was impressed with their knowledge, but I found it to be pretentious and lacking an original thought. Thank you for telling me that you understand a theory, but unless you analyze the current situation prior to throwing around theories, I don't want to hear it. I can Google what the theory says, but I want something more than that, I want to see how that theory applies tot he present conversation. While this may sound like I'm ranting, and yes I may be ranting a little bit, I like theories, I really do. They provided a good framework to begin analyzing conditions and to help make educated decisions. Do all theories work all the time? No. Before someone goes off quoting a theory they learned in grad school, it better be applicable. 

A Friday in the Office

This is the first time I have ever had a 9-5 job. It will also most likely be the last one. In all fairness it's 8:30-4:30 with an hour for lunch, but that didn't have the same effect. When I arrive in the morning I check my email, respond if necessary and begin working on my project. I'm lucky in that I have the autonomy to work on what I want throughout the day, as long as I get everything done. I really like that, but I miss the crazy hours. I loved working until late at night or getting up super early, variety is the spice of life after all. I can handle this, but I need something more. Maybe this will all change when I get older and think about settling down, but for now, give me a crazy work schedule.


I guess this post will only make sense with a bit of context. It all started about 7 months ago. I decided to apply for an internship through ACUHO-I. Then in January I was browing internships and I came across one at Case Western Reserve University and applied for it. After another month, doing a vareity of interviews, on a chilly, yet beautiful Valentine's Day, I was offered this internship and I accepted it. Fast forward a few months and here I am living in Cleveland. If I was a character on How I Met Your Mother, this stodyt would have taken 7 seasons and you still wouldn't be sure how I ended up here, but you would have some great memories.

This is my fifth Friday in the office, which means in five more, I'm moving to Georgia. But I'll leave that story for next season, or another blog post.